Early in our marriage, we attended a Family Life adoption training. I learned a lot during the conference but one think has stuck in my mind ever since. The father of an adoptive family was standing up front speaking. What he said rocked my world:
Everyone thinks your 18 month old little boy is adorable. But when he's 18 years old and knocking on the door to date their daughter, he's not so cute anymore.
Rocked my world. I had never thought about it before. I had lots of daydreams including an 18 month old baby, and not many daydreams of that child growing into maturity. It was 7 years before we brought Judah, a two year old beautifully brown-skinned child into our family. By time that happened, I had thought many times about my son at 18 years old.
We live in a small rural town. Every one seems to know Judah. He sticks out in a crowd. He also happens to be a loveable and precious little boy. His classmates adore him (he might be a bit of a class clown) and he's not even in school yet. Adults love him because he's cute. But by time he's 14, or even 10, will he still be so cute? When he's 12 and lolly gaggy in a gas station (cause he's some times a bit ditzy and gets easily distracted), will be be looked at as lolly-gagging or will he be looked at suspiciously?
Even if in our small town, he continues to be like Norm on "Cheers" where everybody knows him, what about when he goes to the neighboring town for ice-cream? What if a girl in a neighboring town sits by him at a football game or movie theater? What happens when he leaves for college in a big city or moves for his first real job? I won't be able to protect my son forever.
Many have heard about Trayvon - a child who was killed by a man who thought the young boy looked suspicious. The hoodie (which all 3 of my kids love), skittles and iced-tea are apparently super suspicious. His death is heart breaking. Certainly for any momma with a brown-skinned beauty. Don't let his death be in vain. May we all, even us white momma's and daddy's, learn from this. maybe we not judge based on looks. And you know what, that goes beyond teenaged brown-skinned beauties, that also includes the kid at the park with saggy pants, gauges in his ears, tattoos on his body, and earbuds blasting music into his ears. That inlcudes stereotypes of all types of people.
While some families are putting on hoodies to prove that a hoodie does not equal suspicion, I think their pictures tell a story. Let us be people who don't judge unjustly.
Of all the things I had thought about and not thought about in regards to race and my son, I always assumed my daughter would be his rock, his support, his best friend. It is only in the last week that I realised some day an ignorant, hate-filled person might see my children together and misinterpret their relationship to something his small heart and black soul finds offensive. My daughter might somehow become dangerous to my son. Feeling helpless.
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