Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Is that too much to ask?

We have this criteria for adoption:
 - children in need
 - siblings born after 7/2005
 - "less" expensive on the adoption scale
 - quick process
 - special needs on a case by case basis
Is this too much to ask?
I have been perusing different agencies waiting children's photolistings.  And seriously, I have only found one that semi fits the criteria.  This makes it sounds so business like and I'm not fond of that idea.  I want to be faithful in this journey.
Lord, I know you have the child(ren) picked out for us.  Do you want us to pick a waiting child or get on the list and wait for a refferal? 
I know that months have passed and we've not really moved forward in this process.  I'm torn between choosing an agency and waiting for a referral versus the waiting child lists that don't perfectly fit us.  Lord, you know.
Ethiopia proves to adopt younger children which might increase our opportunities for siblings younger than Scott.  But their process is longer.  Ghana has the shorter process but older children.  Add to that Rwanda (which I know very little about) and I'm turning in circles I think.
This time has proved to be good to pray about the process, for the children and their families.  But I don't want it to be so long that dissapoinment begins to creep in...

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

The second little girl

Initially while peering through the waiting child profiles, I found two little boys who were younger than Scott. They would be a fine fit but it wasn't like I thought they were adorable and wanted to go get them immediately.

There was the second little girl that did grab me. According to her bio, she's 33 days younger than Scott. She's absolutely beautiful. Her short hair compliments her round face and gap between her teeth. There are two things in her bio that I have to check in on. One is that she has syphilis. It can be easily cured if caught in time so I'm hoping that she's in the curable stages. And though her legal birthdate is after Scott's, her bio says that she may be a year older than her legal birth date. I'm not sure of the implications of the birth date. Would we have to change her birth date? Thinking long term, would she mature much faster than her classmates? Does that matter?

I emailed the agency about her today. I've checked my inbox at least 15 times since then and am beginning to understand the anxiety that adoptive parents have during the waiting periods! Please pray for her to find a family and pray for us as we seek to find a child to bring into our home.

The first little girl

I've been pouring over the waiting child lists for the past week. Several children have really caught my attention. Let me share a little about the first girl:

The first girl is beautiful. She's well behaved, helpful with the other kids and is healthy. She seems to be on the waiting child list because she's 6 years old.

Knowing that Ryan wants Scott to remain the oldest child, I asked Ryan if we could adopt her. His response was: "If someone hands us a $10,000 check, I'll take that as a sign from God." I think he was being slightly sarcastic in his comment but of course I didn't let it end there. I assured him that he was putting God in a box by saying that and said that instead we should see if she was still available for adoption and if so, to take that as a sign to adopt her. There was no response from Ryan.

I have been praying that God will help me find a family for this little girl. So, I could use your help in one or more of the following ways:
  • Do you have $10,000 that you would be willing to send in the form of a check so that Ryan will see God's sign?
  • Do you know of anyone who'd be willing to parent this little girl, to give her a loving family
  • Will you join me in praying that this girl will find a family before she gets even older and less likely to be adopted?

As I was praying for this girl in the past few days, a thought occurred to me. A while back I was sitting on the patio of a coffee house with a friend when my doctor walked by. In our brief conversation I asked her if she was having any other kids. She said "no, unless one falls out of the sky for us." She went inside to order her coffee. When she came out we had another slightly more lengthy chat about adoption. I told her that there were plenty of kids that needed families and I would keep in touch with her if I found one. Well, maybe I did. I need to contact Dr. Ryan and chat with her about this beautiful little girl!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

More info on the update

Now that I've communicated with the agency about our plans, I feel like I can be more open about where I'm at. The following is most of an email I sent to another family that I've communicated with about adoption with a few additions:

My two big things right now is that we want to be wise with the finances God gives us. And we want to be obedient regarding adoption. I really don't want to get caught up in all the small details of things. The fact that I typically like the details of things but not so much about the beginning stages of this adoption kind of surprised me. I think that's in part because I am a detailed person and didn't really like any of the options that I read about regarding adoption. There was no perfect fit and that frustrated me. I sat there complaining to God (and others) about it rather than making a decision. [I've started a spreadsheet for comparison but never filled it out thoroughly and part of me wants to compare them like I would a new sewing machine but mostly I just want to love a child in need]. When Michelle told me about your family, I was super excited. I thought it would be great to adopt from a similar situation as another somewhat local family. But as I dug through the details of the contract, I didn't like them. My kids are disciplined as a form of training them and I didn't like what the contract said about that. Likewise, I didn't want to assume the financial responsibility for legal fees - even though I don't agree with going to court and don't plan on that. For me, that just said that unless I have a padded bank account, I won't pursue legal action. The past few months when I've been hoping to be going through the gruelling process of adoption paperwork, my heart has been heavy regarding an agency that would be a good fit for a family. I feel like I'm waisting time. Will I miss our child's birthday? Will I miss the opportunity to provide needed medical care because of my lack of decision?

I met a girl on the ghana yahoo group that lives [nearby] and has adopted from Ghana. I was excited to [communicate with her with the thought of our kids playing together someday]. Then I read about her agency and then the feedback I received from those who experienced that agency was not real positive. Again, I was on the hunt for an agency. These past few weeks have been crazy busy in our lives so I've been spending break time at the office reading about, praying over, and asking questions about another agency all the while looking at their waiting child lists and dreaming of the child(ren) who might join our family. [Sadly, I was hoping that there would be a sibling group on one of those sites that was exactly what I've been dreaming about: Siblings or twins younger than my children, but there wasn't. I was a bit bummed but did manage to email my husband about 3 seperate children]. There are two main agencies I'm looking at now. Both come highly recommended. One would cause me to start my homestudy process over (which isn't a super big deal) [but again, I'm a loyal person and I'd feel like I was betraying Kathy who has started our homestudy] and one wouldn't. These past few days I've been wanting to pick the child off the waiting child list and pick the agency according to that. The problem that we run into is we've only been married six years and we want Scott (born 7/05) to be the oldest.

Last night I read through Hebrews 11 and 12. Chapter 11 talks about the things people did by faith. I couldn't get past that chapter. I can't even remember right now what chapter 12 was about. This morning after working out, I read another version of chapter 11. It's still hitting home with me. If those people could do so much by faith, why can't I trust God in the small details of this adoption? If I'm capable of wading through the details, why don't I quit whining (a proverb about a dripping faucet comes to mind) and wade through the details? I'm so glad that this is the day the Lord has made. It's a new day, a fresh start and I'm so glad to rejoice in it.

Do you think if I go back to the sites again while I'm on lunch that there will be new ones? Maybe I should extend my search to countries I wasn't otherwise thinking of... but that would require me to remember what countries we're eligible for... pray for me, will you?


I emailed our contact at agency #1 this morning and let her know that I wasn't comfortable with their contract. That I was prayerfully considering going elsewhere. I felt like I was betraying her. I am a very loyal person so that was tough for me. She was very nice about it. I'm thankful for that being off my shoulders now as I look at other agencies online and communicate with them via email.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Real Quick Update

Things are crazy. Adoption options are crazy. Based on my email conversations with the agency we chose, we're looking elsewhere. I've said before that I wasn't crazy about their contract. And now the issues with them waiting on adoptions. I for some reason feel like we have to be adopting right now. I hope that's of God. Anyway, I feel like I'm in the rat race once again of picking an agency and a country. Do we stick with an African nation or pick somehwere else? Do we just go with the big name agency that a friend recommends or do I do a bunch more digging.

It's like being at a restaraunt and picking one item to eat from their massive menu. Options are good. But too many options are distracting for me. I'm a simple minded person. I want to be obedient to the Lord in this and not get distracted by all the little details. Would you pray for me? Right now I have two agencies that I'm looking at:
  • Agency 3: I like that they work in Ethiopia, but most agencies do work there now. I like that they are highly recommended by a friend in social work. I don't like that I emailed the contact lady this morning about their waiting child list and have not heard back from her today.
  • Agency 4: They are starting to work in Uganda pretty regularly. Sounds interesting. They have two boys on their waiting child list that seem to be a good fit. One of which had a seizure in the past but no indication of them in the Ct Scan (hello, if that doesn't say Buitenwerf to me, I don't know what would since both my kids have had the random seizure before). I don't like that they'd have to do my homestudy and I've already started the homestudy with Kathy for our 1st agency.

Father, your love is amazing. I want to share that love with others without getting caught up in the details. May this be a joyful experience where you are ever present.