Small Gathering

You might have already read about it on Becky's blog or on Tesi's blog, but I wanted to share briefly too. Last Saturday, a hand full of families met at a quiet little park in Waterloo to hang out. I had a great time meeting people who's blogs I'd read, seeing families I'd prayed for while they were in the adoption process, and seeing other beautiful Ethiopian children laugh and play with their families.

Much to my own surprise, I left my little cannon side-kick at home (yes, it was a slight bit chaotic before I left home that day) that day. So, I'm sharing with you a few pics from Tesi and Becky:

(don't miss a certain little boy who didn't think he made the picture... did you find him?)

It was a small group but as you can see all of us had a few kids to bring along. I'm looking forward to hanging out again sometime. Anyone want to plan a gathering in a few months???

it makes me mad

I just heard the question again and it makes me mad.  The person said "why do sensible people spend lots of money and travel thousands of miles to adopt a child?  There are plenty of children in the U.S. that need adopted."
 
My loving and simple response is and was: then if there are plenty of children here in the U.S., then why haven't you adopted one or two or three?
 
There's lots of variety in this question.  But, the simple point is the same, if they're so concerned with the orphans in the foster system, why aren't they adopting them???

5 Months Home

Really, the months fly. I wonder how I'm doing remember Judah's story so I can share with him later. Am I doing a good job of giving him the appropriate amount of attention without spoiling him? Am I doing a good job of balancing his Ethiopian history and culture with his new culture of being an American? How much would he pay attention to that big shadow frame if I actually put some things in it from his past? What do I put in that frame for him? Does his mom actually get the pictures I've sent? Oh, how I'd love to send her the video clip of Judah and Scott having a tickle fight last weekend. I wish I could read his mind. What is he really thinking when he gives us that pouty look? Does he comprehend sarcasm yet? Shouldn't he be gaining more weight, even if he is super active? Am I taking care of his hair right?

We've been home 5 months and still I'm questioning my parenting. How long did I question my parenting when I brought the other two kids home from the hospital? Five months home and Judah is doing great and I'm the one with continuing issues. Isn't that nice? Here's a few things going on in our world now that we've been home for... you guessed it, 5 months:

- Continues to increase his vocabulary and work on sounds.
- He's finally tall enough to pee standing up... with the help of a step stool.
- He's learning to pray on his own. Mostly a copy of what the other kids say, but he makes sure he gets to pray each night. I can't wait until he (and the other two for that matter) really know that they're approaching the King - God who made the world and everything in it - when he prays.
- He's super good at picking up toys and being helpful when asked to do simple tasks like throw a paper in the trash (he loves to do that). Thank you to whoever taught him that!
- He loves his blankie and no one else in his bed is going to use it. Yes, my 3 kids like to sleep together and we're fine with that. He wasn't sure what to think about his new blankie the other day and promptly handed it to Bethany. She of course loved it and thinks its hers.
- He loves to help put on his own lotion. I hope he learns to do that task quickly because with cool, dry weather comes dry skin and a need for lotsa lotion for his beautiful skin.
- He loves people and greets everyone he sees in passing.
- He's not always the most comfortable in new environments where it's busy with people and activity. But other common places for him, like church, he runs around from person to person like the other two.
- Judah does not like hot chocolate. This is odd considering my other two could have it hooked up IV each morning.
- Daddy is his ultimate favorite. Nice for Ryan, not so great for momma!

And a few questions I still have even though he's been mine for 5 months:
- Do you take care of boys hair differently if its butched short versus grown out a little. Judah's hair feels brillo-pad-rough when it's short (but so does Ryan's). And a little softer, but never soft when it grows out a little. If I'm going to let it fro a bit more, do I need to comb it a certain way or put certain products in it?
- He's not circumcised (sorry son for putting that out on the internet) and so urinating is a little different for him. At least it is in my mind, but what do I know, I'm of the female variety. Teaching him to let the urine all come out before he jumps off and pats himself on the back is a chore. He still can't pee outside (we're country folks) without peeing all over his pants. So, do I need to teach him to physically wipe his penis with toilet paper to get the urine out of that foreskin area? Or is shaking it enough?
- He still gives me the blank stare occasionally. It's like he's checked out because he didn't like the situation. I grab him up and hug him ususally but I'm not sure what to be watching here.
- He still has these little pimple/white heads on his scalp. Not sure what to do about those either. I started popping them and I'm sure the doc wouldn't approve of that.
- He's only gained two pounds since we came home. Mom says it's because he's running constantly. I think it's because he poops out SO MUCH that his body hasn't utilized the nutrients. Surely that's nutrients that I still smell everytime I wipe him and flush his load.
- What is recommended for a check up for him. He's due this month for a round of shots, but should he have a health check-up? He hasn't had one since we got home. (and my dear Kerry, please feel free to give me your full opinion on this one).

I long for the day he can openly communicate his feelings. I hope that he has some memory of his time in Ethiopia to tell about. I pray that God will use this small child who came from Ethiopia to Iowa for great things! This little boy has the brightest smile and warms my heart daily. I'm so thankful that he is my son! And occasionally I just want him to shut his running mouth :)

Four Months Home

Like most travel groups, the families in ours bonded well. Our common bond of our adoption and our days together in Ethiopia brought us together. I wonder how long that bond will last. A few months, a few years, a lifetime?

Our travel group started a fun little monthly update. I think some of us tend to write the updates though we’re most interested in hearing from everybody else. Now that we’ve been home 4 months, do we have all the many milestones like first ice-cream, first trip to the zoo, etc? Will our group continue the monthly updates or will it fizzle out? I sure hope that we continue our monthly conversation of what’s going on in our home, even as most of us that are home are comfortably in the new normal.

With that said, here’s my 4 month update (and it won’t be near as well put together as Shonda’s):


Judah does not shut his mouth (he’s learned quickly to take after yours truly). He talks non-stop. When I read to the kids at night, he’s repeating words constantly. I find it both cute and annoying. Cute when he’s counting to five and can’t say the words well, let alone get his fingers up with the right numbers. Annoying when I’m trying to nap during the football game but all I can hear is my riled up son. He’s still not sounding out all of the sounds quite right.

For four months we’ve taken Judah to the toilet and he pays his homage to the porcelain king. If we don’t get him to the toilet in time, he goes potty anyway. That seemed to improve a few months back when I finally just started putting him in undies (except for traveling or social gatherings where he plays and we do too). For four months we’ve explained to him that he needs to tell someone that he has to go potty yet he never does. Maybe something was lost in communication. Maybe he didn’t understand me telling him to tell us when he had to go potty these last four months. When will it click with him? Well, this past week, he started telling his Papa that he has to go potty. Not my mom. Not Ryan. Not me. Just Papa. That’s fine I guess since he is telling someone and he spends almost 10 hours of his day at Grammy and Papa’s house. Get this though, he doesn’t even need to tell us now because he’s finally tall enough to crawl up on the toilet by himself. Okay, so he knows how to go on the toilet, he has an increased control of his bladder, and he can get on the toilet by himself. Why is it that he peed in his undies while standing on my bamboo rug which soaked through onto the wood floor? As annoying as it was, Ryan was right there and reacted quite well and ran him to the bathroom. As annoying as it was, it beats the two kids who have constipation and pooping issues. Just sayin’.

My baby is growing. Finally. I’m sure he’s been growing all along, but the 2t jeans I took to Ethiopia for him are finally fitting. By fitting I mean the hidden elastic waist line is cinched all the way up but the length fits him quite well. He regularly wears 3t shirts but I put a Cyclone jersey on him the other day that is sized at 24 months and it fit just fine. He’s still a small peanut. Since he’s still our good child and he’s a peanut, it’s obvious that he doesn’t have either mine or Ryan’s genetics (you can decide who was the wild kid and who’s built like a line-backer).

I still haven’t been anywhere that I’ve been asked if he’s mine. That might be due to the fact that we don’t go anywhere except our close friends and family or we stick to our town in which everyone already knows our story. I had a fun and interesting experience though. On our way home from Kansas, we stopped to see Ryan’s grandparents who live in an assisted living facility. As the kids and I went with Grandma for a walk down the hall, she had to introduce us to Aunt Edna who also lives there. Wait, did I say us? I meant Judah. Grandma had told Edna about her newest great-grandchild and had to show him off to her. Edna’s response to Judah: “I really like your shirt!” I thought it was funny that she didn’t comment on how adorable he is, what a great smile he has, etc. She commented on his hand-me-down faded black t-shirt (go Bulldogs!). What I also thought was funny was that Grandma was not as eager to introduce the other adorable great-grandchild standing with her. Just Judah, the newest addition to her family.

Tonight, we had a fun few moments. The first was when I handed some injera to Judah that had been frozen over the 4th of July weekend and recently thawed. Ryan said he had quite the look of pure joy on his face. The second fun moment was when Bethany went to bed with the boys for the second night and once again had to reach over and kiss her baby brother good night but didn’t acknowledge her other brother. For those who remember her actions and reactions to Judah in the first eight to nine weeks, I love any moment where she, on her own, shows him genuine affection.

And for those who saw Kerry’s (way to brief) update, that mouthy little beauty is mine!

BBQ & Adoption

I was so busy having fun last night that I totally neglected my camera. Here's one shot that Ryan took last night of our wild-haired beauty. It doesn't speak much for the group we had, so I'm hoping that Kerry took some better pictures.

Since we're in the Kansas City area staying with the Dietz Family, Shonda had a great idea of hosting a little BBQ. Several families were invited, food was prepared, the slip-n-slide was rolled out, and people starting showing up. The little BBQ quickly became 50 people or more. It was a blast!

I was able to meet and socialize with several families. It great to meet and chat with Erin (and her adorable little boy from Columbia), Martha, Wausann (originally from Ethiopia and has adopted two children from Ethiopia), Mary and her sweet girls, and a few Ethiopian college ladies. I'm sure I'm missing a few. It was also great to connect up with Kerry who was in (the wonderful) travel group 8 as well as a few of Ryan's vet school buddies who were in town for the same conference Ryan's here for. One of Ryan's vet buddies, Denise, also happens to have a connection with Ethiopia as she recently returned from there after 7-ish years of being a veterinary missionary. It was cool to hear her talking in Amharic to the Ethiopian ladies (I missed it but heard about it second hand).

I'm looking forward to another gathering. Hopefully this time, I can also meet up with Lindsie and Tesi and a few others. Late October anyone???

Didn't you Hear Me

Why is it that I can remind Judah numerous times that he should pee in the potty. He can even tell us where he should potty. Yet the child still has multiple accidents a day. Lovely. He has yet to tell me that he has to go or get on the toilet himself (which he can do). And then I read on Sarah's facebook that her 16 month old is using the potty. Oh children, please be "normal" and use the potty!

Home 3 Months Now

Grace based parenting is the key. No, grace based living would be more accurate. It has been a key factor in the last 3 months.

Judah is full of personality. We see lots of emotion from him. Sometimes it’s more emotion than we care to see and other times he’s hiding the emotion. His overuse of the word “owie” is hopefully an emotional connection of someone fixing his hurt, of trusting us to care for his little “owie”. Watching Judah laugh is such fun. His bright smile lightens up the room and is contagious with the rest of us. Judah can use 3-4 word sentences on a regular basis and its fun to see his language improve. He loves to brush his teeth which compliments his gorgeous smile. He jumps through the house like a bunny, runs like a wild man and lately is attached to the CuriousGeorge puppet. He’s successfully learning to let go of objects that act like a security blanket. Watching Judah’s relationships with each of his siblings is an answer to prayer.

All this to say that things are going well. But let me also say that life isn’t perfect in this house. That the reason grace based living is essential in this house.

Judah’s personality is also full of stubbornness. Though he clearly can use 3-4 word sentences, he will not string two words together when asked to say simple things like “yes mommy” or “juice please”. I’m also stubborn and these moments are a good test in patience. He’s also pooped four times in his pull-up in the last two days. He knows to poop in the toilet so this is another test of patience and a time requiring some grace. There are times that he gets mad and won’t make eye contact with me. Upon request, Judah will make eye contact for one second before his eyes veer off. When asked questions he normally says yes to (like do you love momma), he says no. He’s a stinker like that. I sometimes ask him four or more time to see if his answer will change. It doesn’t.

I’m by no means a perfect parent. I continue to struggle with knowing the appropriate training and discipline. Does he understand my request? How was he trained and disciplined by his birth family? By the orphanage? It is often my prayer that I will offer grace like God gives me grace. And that God would continue to give me grace in this whole parenting thing. I take seriously that its my responsibility to raise my children in a manner that is pleasing to God and also to raise them as responsible citizens.

So we’ve been home three months and things are going well as we all continue to offer grace. That goes for everyone in our family. When we forget that important little detail, things don’t go so smoothly. As we continue to adjust to each other, the adjustment involves everyone in the family. I’m looking forward to see how things look another month and three months from now.