Privileged Perspective

Lonely.  Dishonor.  Guilty.

Those can be some pretty heavy words.  Words from my last post.  I mentioned feeling lonely because others in our community hadn't adopted.  I mentioned questioning if I'd dishonored God by not carefully choosing my conversations.  I most certainly had guilt over it.  

For the past several months, I've been calling to question everything I believe about adoption.  This seemingly good thing called adoption can be so twisted, and miry.  The opportunity to change a child's life presents another opportunity for deceit, lies, and scams.  I'm not writing to hate on adoptions agencies.  I have no reason for vengence.  I'm not writing to criticize birth parents.  However I do see a broken system. It has the potential to become a supply/demand system.  That's not what I want to write about today. 

The more I've educated myself, the more I firmly believe that the world is just jacked up.  I think we all know that, right?  But just because it's jacked up, doesn't mean we give up.  We should all know that too, right?  Let me break down a couple of the things that spin 'round and 'round in my mind.

There is an orphan crisis.  Does anyone know the definition of orphan?  Webster would say that it's a child whose parents are dead (citation).  Makes sense, right?  But even Webster goes on to further explain "a child deprived by death of one or usually both parents".  In terms of children, and specifically the orphan crisis, our own goverment says it this way in regards to immigration: A child may be considered an orphan because of the death or disappearance of, abandonment or desertion by, or separation or loss from, both parents. The child of an unwed mother or surviving parent may be considered an orphan if that parent is unable to care for the child properly and has, in writing, irrevocably released the child for emigration and adoption. (citation here).  Love 'em or hate 'em, UNICEF desribes an orphan similarly to our government.  Like you've probably heard, there are more than 130 million orphans in sub-saharan Africa, Asia, Latin America, and the Carribean (citation).  That's a bunch or kids without a parent.  But what reels through my mind, and my mind goes from one random tangent to another related to this topic, is this.  Of those 132 million orphans, they've either lost one or both parents.  That means, some of those 132 million orphans have a living birthparent who couldn't provide for them.  And pardon the random tangents, but I wonder how that compares to our own nation????  How many full orphans do we have in comparison to how many kids have one dead parent and one parent who can't provide.  And if said parents, whether they're in sub-saharan Africa or downtown Detroit, can't provide for their children, what is being done to help them?????  

The statistics are staggering.  I've joined the band wagon and commented that if bible-following-family listened to the scriptures and adopted a child, we could take care of the orhpan issue.  I realize how horrible that is now.  Because I've educated myself and paid more attention, I jumped off that band wagon.  Do I still believe that we, as bible-believing, or as good-natured people, still need to take care of orphans and widows?  Abso-stinkin-lutely.  Some of the staggerring statistics the UNICEF has also published say that of those 132 million orphans, only 13 million - that's 10% people - have lost both parents (citation).  While valid points, I'll stay off the bunny trail of those "orphans" in our own country.  Likewise, I'll (for now) leave alone the previous citation that also mentions 95% of orphans are over 5 years old.  Both of these topics raise my blood pressure but I'll leave them for another day.

In all this randomness, I do have a point.  

Do we really believe that those other 90% are orphans?  Do we really believe that those other 90% should be adopted into privileged America/Europe? Let me put it this way.  I know of a family where the mom is a dead beat.  She's addicted to drugs and provides horrible care for her children.  There is no training.  No discipline.  No rules.  Very little love.  Her kids, while they should be, are never in a car seat while travelling in a vehicle.  She's what we'd call a dead beat mom.  The birth father is unknown.  The mom went to court and signed over care because she's unable to hold down a job and provide for them (I'm sure it's not that simple but for the sake of the point, I'm not going to lay out every detail).  Based on Webster and UNICEF, these children would be considered orphans.  Many families that know them would take the children in a heart beat.  They would trudge through the emotional battles, the physical battles, to give them love, and training, and raise them to be responsible adults.  Based on the above, would you say that a family has a right to adopt the children?   Let me take this thought process of mine a step further.  If you were close enough to the family and knew all the details that go on behind closed doors and knew without a doubt that they are malnourished and uncared for, would you fight to adopt those children?  After all any of us could offer them a better life.  Any of us could clothe and feed them, send them to school, buy them school supplies, get them to Sunday School and soccer.  Would it be right for us to adopt them?  What if the mom doesn't care enough and never has gone to court to legally give them up?

Here's what I'm getting at.  I've heard it a lot.  I've even said it.  We could offer them so much more.  Give them a chance at life.  And that thought kinda sickens me.  It comes from a privileged mind set.  Is it because they need a mommy and daddy and they're malnourished, or because we can give them an education and opportunity?  What if some millionaire dude who lived in a mansion, had a chef on staff, a long concrete drive for riding bikes, access to private education, clothes galore, etc, etc wanted to adopt my kids.  They would have way more opportunity with the rich dude.  After all, we don't have a private school nearby, the kids don't know how to ride bikes because we have a gravel driveway, and this momma doesn't always prepare the healthiest meals.  Does that mean they should be adopted.  No way.  While we're not millionaires, we're definitely not poor or in need.  We're average people and that's okay by me.  But as Americans, I think we begin to get this twisted idea in our minds that we can offer so much more.  I'm constantly reminding myself that less privileged is okay.  Especially as we look at underdeveloped nations like Ethiopia for example.  We need to be familiar with and remember what's culturally appropriate.

What are your thoughts on that?  I'd love to hear your feedback.  I'm still learning and by no means think that I have it all figured out.  

What I do have figured out is this.  Based on the 2005 data from UNICEF, there are 120 million orphans with a living parent also called a "single orphan".  These single orphans are no doubt in need.  They have lost a living parent.  We would have the same problem here in the U.S. if we don't have life insurance.  What I want to focus on, and am more and more sure of, is focusing on those living parents.

This is my Judah.  We adopted him in 2010.  His birth father past away in 2009.  His mom was unable to provide for the three boys.  She kept the two older boys (who are now working to help provide for the family) and made an adoption plan for Judah.  This picture brings me great joy yet at the same time it's heart wrenching.  I have no desire to send my Judah back to Ethiopia.  He's mine.  We chose to parent him with the best information we had at the time.  But it's the time since then that has really stirred in my heart.  Had someone given Judah's birth mom the tools to provide for her kids, this would be a much different picture.  Empowering women to generate income that will sustain their family could change their lives.  Not just the life of the single parent, but the children as well.  Doesn't that remove the orphan issue if that parent can provide for her children???  In the non profit world, one of these terms is called an Income Generating Grant (IGA).  IGA's are an awesome idea.  Because I'm most familiar with rural Ethiopia, they receive start up funds to begin their new "job", as well as basic training as appropriate for animal husbandry, accounting, etc.  I love, love, love this idea.  

This is my point.  There are bunch of orphans out there.  Single and Double Orphans.  There are men and women struggling to survive and thrive and  provide for their families.  We should be concerned with providing for widows as well.  IGA's is one way that we, in privileged America, can do it.  Tommorow, I'll post a couple of really cool opportunities to give a little of our privelege to help a widow keep her/his family together.

Because I believe the bible tells us to care for orphans and for widows, I think it's important that we do both.  By sharing about the need to care for the widows, I'm not discounting the need to care for orphans.  A by-product for caring for widows, generally includes caring for orphans.  In any case, orphans do exist.  We do need to care for them too.  We also need to be knowledgeable and ask the right questions when pursuing any sort of adoption.