Rockin' my world

So, I've been reading this book called "there's no me without you". If you don't know about it, just spend 5 minutes with me and you will. This book is rockin' my world. I knew it would. Part of the reason I hadn't read it before. But now that I am, I can't put it down. Yet, I force myself to close the book - sometimes because I need to get off my couch and sometimes because I just can't take anymore of the truth that reveals itself through the words on the pages. I'm maybe 2/3 the way through the book. If I could comfortablly lay in one spot and read all day, I would have finished it the day I opened it. It's that good. But it's heart wrenching too. I just read about a little boy who stands and watches the gate, waiting for someone to come in and be his momma. Four year old kid literally waiting all day for a momma to come claim him. Finally the perfect lady shows up. She's vibrant, the perfect age, has her own car. She's perfect for him. So he greets her and sticks close to her side. She leaves and the boy understands that she's going home to her husband to discuss adopting him. The woman returns and the boy is elated. Can you imagine his excitement? The woman he's been waiting for has come to claim him. Finally a momma for him. Yet she leaves with a girl and until the moment she backs out of the driveway, he thinks he's going with her. My explanation of the story doesn't do justice. You'd have to read the book but I can give you the basic idea. Why do I share this story? Because it broke my heart. I was sad for the little boy. And then it broke my heart again and I almost couldn't swallow the truth as I began to grasp it. I was in Ethiopia. I saw orphan children. Some of them called me "momma". I hugged them and rocked them. I prayed over them and told them their momma was coming. I had them in my lap, playing with my hair. And then I left. Emptiness. Did I give them a false hope? Did they think I was coming back to be their momma? Those kids, I'm sure, are trained to understand that the white people will come, hug them, and take them home. And that does happen. But was I the woman they talked about in the book who held a kids hand, sat by his side, pinched his cute cheeks and then walked out of the orphanage with another child on my hip? Wow. I'm going back to Ethiopia in less than two months. I expect to be busy while I'm there. And when I'm not busy working on some project, I planned to be busy loving on children, kicking a soccer ball, holding hands with the girls, just loving on the kids. But how many of those kids spend their days wondering if they'll ever have a momma to love them? Or a daddy to teach them how to work with their hands? Sometimes we are well intentioned but our intentions don't do well for those who interact with us. I don't want to be that person. I want to be used as God's hands and feet to bring love and hope, not hurt and heartache. I sure hope I have a better grip of this before we go to Ethiopia. I certainly do look forward to loving on the kids and women I interact with!