Artificial Twinning - Children born within 9 months of each other.
From my understanding, Holt doesn't like this because they want the child to have their own identity. For example (their example, not mine), if they're within 9 months, they'll be in the same grade. And if that was the case, they'd at least want them to have different teachers.
My rebuttal: who cares what the date of their birthday is, they can have that same issue. They can be a year apart and if the adopted child is held back for various reasons and Bethany goes to school on time, that will still be an issue. HELLO. Am I the only one making this connection? Likewise, I also think that there would be some benefit to being in the same class - to have a buddy, a helper, a friend, etc. And if we have twins, or adopt twins, we'd have the same thing too.
Now, I understand some of the reasoning. I just don't think what was explained to me carries a whole lot of value. I would love to hear more opinions on this issue. Maybe I need a better explanation from the social worker!
Oh and on another note, we asked to view a file and were denied because of the AT issue. But they said that if a few months goes by and a family is still needed, then we can view the file. What? So AT is only an important issue some of the time??? Again, I understand their reasoning - it's better to have AT issues than orphanage ones but I'm just wishing this wasn't their policy and that I could make my own decision on if that would be acceptable for our family.
Really - they don't allow it?!? That seems really strange. I suppose it could cause problems, but I also know of families where it has worked extremely well - where the artificial twins are very close.
ReplyDeleteThe two little ones we're adopting are not bio siblings and are one day shy of 9 months apart. So would they consider them artificial twins? Their birthdays would not put them in the same grade in school - his birthday is early August, hers is early May. If we decided to hold him back and not start kindergarten when he has just turned 5, they could be in the same grade if we don't also hold her back until she's 6. We'll deal with it - we are after all, their parents, and their biggest advocates. We will not let it cause problems between them.
I'd definitely talk to your home study worker about this. They might be trying to be more choosy since you are not paper ready yet and don't know how you'd handle things not having seen your homestudy yet. I could see them allowing it if your homestudy thinks you'll be able to handle things well - do your research before you have your first visit - couldn't hurt just in case it's not a hard and fast rule.
Do they also not allow adopting out of birth order? I've heard varying opinions about this too. If they don't allow artificial twinning, maybe they don't allow this either? If they do allow it, you could maybe be matched with a child between your two bio kids and a sibling that's younger than Bethany. Just a thought.
Also, I have friends adopting from Haiti through Hold. She had mentioned to me that their Ethiopia program had lots of children, and people with studies ready could have referrals right away - made it sound like they had many children available. But them not even allowing you to look at a file makes it sound like they have an abundance of families and few children, as choosy as they're being. That's frustrating. I'll be praying for your process and referral. The perfect children God has chosen for your family may just not be known yet.
(oops sorry, this got long)
Our agency greatly discourages AT and adopting out of birth order. I agree with their stanse on both issues. Have you researched the issues in other locations on the web and in literature? That may help shed some light for you. I know the website 4everfamily.org had some literature on the subject last time I checked. Good luck.
ReplyDelete