More info on the update

Now that I've communicated with the agency about our plans, I feel like I can be more open about where I'm at. The following is most of an email I sent to another family that I've communicated with about adoption with a few additions:

My two big things right now is that we want to be wise with the finances God gives us. And we want to be obedient regarding adoption. I really don't want to get caught up in all the small details of things. The fact that I typically like the details of things but not so much about the beginning stages of this adoption kind of surprised me. I think that's in part because I am a detailed person and didn't really like any of the options that I read about regarding adoption. There was no perfect fit and that frustrated me. I sat there complaining to God (and others) about it rather than making a decision. [I've started a spreadsheet for comparison but never filled it out thoroughly and part of me wants to compare them like I would a new sewing machine but mostly I just want to love a child in need]. When Michelle told me about your family, I was super excited. I thought it would be great to adopt from a similar situation as another somewhat local family. But as I dug through the details of the contract, I didn't like them. My kids are disciplined as a form of training them and I didn't like what the contract said about that. Likewise, I didn't want to assume the financial responsibility for legal fees - even though I don't agree with going to court and don't plan on that. For me, that just said that unless I have a padded bank account, I won't pursue legal action. The past few months when I've been hoping to be going through the gruelling process of adoption paperwork, my heart has been heavy regarding an agency that would be a good fit for a family. I feel like I'm waisting time. Will I miss our child's birthday? Will I miss the opportunity to provide needed medical care because of my lack of decision?

I met a girl on the ghana yahoo group that lives [nearby] and has adopted from Ghana. I was excited to [communicate with her with the thought of our kids playing together someday]. Then I read about her agency and then the feedback I received from those who experienced that agency was not real positive. Again, I was on the hunt for an agency. These past few weeks have been crazy busy in our lives so I've been spending break time at the office reading about, praying over, and asking questions about another agency all the while looking at their waiting child lists and dreaming of the child(ren) who might join our family. [Sadly, I was hoping that there would be a sibling group on one of those sites that was exactly what I've been dreaming about: Siblings or twins younger than my children, but there wasn't. I was a bit bummed but did manage to email my husband about 3 seperate children]. There are two main agencies I'm looking at now. Both come highly recommended. One would cause me to start my homestudy process over (which isn't a super big deal) [but again, I'm a loyal person and I'd feel like I was betraying Kathy who has started our homestudy] and one wouldn't. These past few days I've been wanting to pick the child off the waiting child list and pick the agency according to that. The problem that we run into is we've only been married six years and we want Scott (born 7/05) to be the oldest.

Last night I read through Hebrews 11 and 12. Chapter 11 talks about the things people did by faith. I couldn't get past that chapter. I can't even remember right now what chapter 12 was about. This morning after working out, I read another version of chapter 11. It's still hitting home with me. If those people could do so much by faith, why can't I trust God in the small details of this adoption? If I'm capable of wading through the details, why don't I quit whining (a proverb about a dripping faucet comes to mind) and wade through the details? I'm so glad that this is the day the Lord has made. It's a new day, a fresh start and I'm so glad to rejoice in it.

Do you think if I go back to the sites again while I'm on lunch that there will be new ones? Maybe I should extend my search to countries I wasn't otherwise thinking of... but that would require me to remember what countries we're eligible for... pray for me, will you?