I like things to go smoothly, to be put simply. I work my tail off to make life easier for people I come in contact with. It just seems like the right thing to do. I greatly appreciate that Carla has been so good at communicating with me.
With that said, my heart is heavy this week. This morning I got an email from Ryan's Aunt Betty. She has been a great help in looking at the contract. It followed an email (or was it a comment?) from my friend Ashley who does adoptions. Their concerns regarding the contract with our agency plus my own concerns are the reason for my heavy heart.
I have a few minor issues and a few bigger issues that I need to pray through and let God guide us on:
- The contract saying "never" in regard to discipline issues. I believe the bible is true when it says if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. I like how the message puts it: "A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." Proverbs 13:24. I've asked the agency and they didn't seem to budge on this. However, I think that some actual conversations out side of email might clarify some of the issues I have.
- Recently a family adopting from Ghana through this agency (they're how we found the agency) was informed that their son they were expecting to bring home wasn't a true orphan and his family opted to keep him. Although I think that's great for his family, my heart aches for the American family that already loved him. I don't want to go through that heart ache. I know there's a chance that we won't get the child we think we're going to get and I know that God is controlling those situations, but I'm not ready to volunteer to go through that. I've already told the agency that I want to make sure that the child has true orphan status and they were fine with that. In fact, our agency contact is in Ghana right now working through some of those issues.
- I still have an issue with taking on the agency's legal fees should it ever come to that. I have no intent of legal action but I also realized that the existing contract language would prevent me from pursuing legal action simply for financial reasons. I wouldn't be able to afford me own, let alone those of the agency. Ryan and I need to decide if they won't change that language and be willing to take on their legal fees, if we're willing to change agencies. Oh, Lord, would you work in our favor as we seek to glorify you. Please continue to open doors wide or slam them shut!
- I like what I've read about other agencies having their own orphanage. I know this doesn't work with a small agency like ours and I don't know if it really even matters. I just think its a neat way to streamline the process, plus it allows the agency to have a better understanding of the child's history.
- I like and dislike the scheduled, detailed itenerary for groups that travel together (Monday you meet your child, Tuesday you go to the embassy, etc). I like that it allows for bonding with other families. I dislike that I'm unsure of how much free time people have to experience and immerse themselves in the culture.
As you can see, I have plenty to pray about. God has put it heavy on my heart to be praying for clarity and for the small little details to be worked out while Carla is in Ghana this week. Will you pray with me and for me?
Hi Tamara,
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you guys as you have some tough decisions ahead of you. I also wanted to encourage you with this (not to give you any opinions but just as encouragement)...my parents were moved by the Holy Spirit to pursue adopting after about 6 months of Brian and I being in the process. Naturally their 1st choice was one of the waiting children from our agency (because it seemed easy to use the agency that Brian and I were already working with). They put in a request to accept the referral for a specific child and 2 hrs later the agency called them to tell them they changed their minds and would no longer allow parent and child to be in the process at the same time as they thought it was more than our family could handle. We disagreed but regardless they were told they would have to wait until our child had been home a year. They were devestated and thought this may be God "closing the door." Over the next few days they still felt like adoption was right and were very confused. I suggested that maybe their kids just weren't at this orphanage with this particular agency and this was God's way of saying keep looking. Not knowing it my Dad had been thinking the same thing and my sister who was in Africa at the time gave them the same advice. Long story...the ended up adopting 2 boys with a different agency and now we all see how God worked it all out and I am happy to say I have the exact 2 new brothers that God had planned all along.
Hang in there. Whether you go with this agency or not just keep seeking the Lord in prayer and following your heart. When we are obedient and seeking God's will He will not steer us in the wrong direction!
-Autumn