Floored

I read the following on a blog today:

"A few weeks ago my cousin wrote on Facebook that she is impressed by people who don't just save princesses but also the broken, hurting, outcast and penniless."

I was floored by that thought.

Sure, I'm willing to take a child with minor special needs. But am I willing to take the completely broken, hurting, outcast and penniless? Wow, I'd like to say yes but I know that I'd be lying to myself. I've said many times that I would take minor special needs because I don't have the time (I work full time) or resources (we live in a small community with out specialized doctors). ouch!

Relieved but a tad dissapointed

I received an email this weekend from the social worker. I want to share my thoughts on it, but first I'll share the bulk of the email:

Dear Tamara,
I know you are making your final decisions and raising the funds in order to sign on for the Ghana program. I wanted to alert you that the director and I have discussed the fact we would like to see one child arrive to his forever home prior to signing on additional families.
We have one family close to bringing home 2 young children. One we have the adoption decree and the other is due to go through Court next week- from there it's approx. another month for the docs to process. The family will need to file the I600 in Ghana and it can be 7-30 days for that process. It appears, by best estimate, we are looking at about 2-3 months before we want to sign on 'new families' --we really need to see at least one through from begin to end to ensure we are in complete understanding of the process. I hope you understand and are not discouraged. We feel this is our responsibility, as the placing agency and we owe it to current and future families to be as educated and prepared as we can to ensure a smooth adoption process.

Yes, we are still in the decision making process. I found it interesting that Carla stated that. She could have gleaned that from the many questions I've asked. She may also be aware of that based on my blog. Now, I haven't officially invited her to view my blog but I'm not trying to hide it from her either. Just a place that I'm trying to be honest and real with myself, regardless of who reads.

I love that they want to be comfortable with the process before they take on another family. I totally appreciate that she informed me of their wishes rather than leading me on.

Two to three months???? Seriously I don't want to wait that long. Notice I said "want"? Yes, I would prefer to be beyond the major paperwork and preparing to love a child but I know that realistically we are no where near that yet! This 2-3 month process might actually be perfect timing, aka God's timing. I'm okay with that. I know that we have lots of money to save before this can all be said and done anyway.

Although I want it to happen now, in my time. I'm more than thankful to let God have control of this adoption and for it to happen in His time. And when things get crazy and I get pushy, help me remember to give it to the Lord! After all, these are his children!

Prayer

It has been a good week to be praying, though not often enough, for Ghana, the orphans there and for Carla while on her trip. She should be back home now and I'm eager to hear from her.

It's been a difficult week as well. At one point I wanted to go back to adopting from Ethiopia because even though I've not been there, its familiar to me. But this week I've also been learning alot about God calling us, commanding us actually, to be radical for him. To step outside of what's comfortable. Without a doubt, I know a deep love will grow in my heart for Ghana. I just need to give it time. To read, to learn. I also debated on considering other agencies. Perhaps we still will. But after this morning, God is giving me a little peace for the journey. Seems like I think of these other options (Ethiopia, other agencies, foster-adopt) and the Lord keeps bringing me back to Ghana.

Lord, I don't know what you have in store for Your glory here, but I'm excited to be a part of it!

To date, I don't have a clue how much money we have saved up for our first payments to be sent with the contract. I'm a little frustrated about that but know that it takes time. I have an idea or two for fundraising. I think those will be small dollar items but every little bit helps.

In the meantime Lord, I will continue to come before You, asking for Your will. And Lord, would you bless the mommy who gives up her child. And would you bless the children that lose their mommies. Lord, would you put it on more people's hearts to care for the orphans and widows!

Where I am Today...

Today I'm confused but hopeful. Dissapointed but encouraged. Stubborn but prayerful.

I like things to go smoothly, to be put simply. I work my tail off to make life easier for people I come in contact with. It just seems like the right thing to do. I greatly appreciate that Carla has been so good at communicating with me.

With that said, my heart is heavy this week. This morning I got an email from Ryan's Aunt Betty. She has been a great help in looking at the contract. It followed an email (or was it a comment?) from my friend Ashley who does adoptions. Their concerns regarding the contract with our agency plus my own concerns are the reason for my heavy heart.

I have a few minor issues and a few bigger issues that I need to pray through and let God guide us on:

1. The contract saying "never" in regard to discipline issues. I believe the bible is true when it says if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. I like how the message puts it: "A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." Proverbs 13:24. I've asked the agency and they didn't seem to budge on this. However, I think that some actual conversations out side of email might clarify some of the issues I have.
2. Recently a family adopting from Ghana through this agency (they're how we found the agency) was informed that their son they were expecting to bring home wasn't a true orphan and his family opted to keep him. Although I think that's great for his family, my heart aches for the American family that already loved him. I don't want to go through that heart ache. I know there's a chance that we won't get the child we think we're going to get and I know that God is controlling those situations, but I'm not ready to volunteer to go through that. I've already told the agency that I want to make sure that the child has true orphan status and they were fine with that. In fact, our agency contact is in Ghana right now working through some of those issues.
3. I still have an issue with taking on the agency's legal fees should it ever come to that. I have no intent of legal action but I also realized that the existing contract language would prevent me from pursuing legal action simply for financial reasons. I wouldn't be able to afford me own, let alone those of the agency. Ryan and I need to decide if they won't change that language and be willing to take on their legal fees, if we're willing to change agencies. Oh, Lord, would you work in our favor as we seek to glorify you. Please continue to open doors wide or slam them shut!
4. I like what I've read about other agencies having their own orphanage. I know this doesn't work with a small agency like ours and I don't know if it really even matters. I just think its a neat way to streamline the process, plus it allows the agency to have a better understanding of the child's history.
5. I like and dislike the scheduled, detailed itenerary for groups that travel together (Monday you meet your child, Tuesday you go to the embassy, etc). I like that it allows for bonding with other families. I dislike that I'm unsure of how much free time people have to experience and immerse themselves in the culture.

As you can see, I have plenty to pray about. God has put it heavy on my heart to be praying for clarity and for the small little details to be worked out while Carla is in Ghana this week. Will you pray with me and for me?

Thanks for your support

Yesterday I received an email from a family member stating that he wanted to support us financially with our adoption. I about cried. Here's an excerpt of his email:

[my wife] and I talked last night about helping with a financial contribution to your adoption fund. Since God has been laying it on my heart for some time we feel we want to do something. We've been going out on a date/shopping night... we are going to forego the eating out [this summer] and take the about $20 per week and commit to you guys

Needless to say, I was more than thrilled at their willingness to give. And I love to see how God is working in their lives and that they are (as they said) standing with us in this process, committing to prayer and putting their money where their prayers are.

Answers to Questions sent to the Agency

Questions in Black, Answers in blue, Issues I still have in Red

General Questions and Answers

1. Can you be working on foster/adoption as well as international adoption at the same time so long as AAC is aware of it? Yes, we simply like to know what options you are exploring, but we are supportive of this.
2. Does getting pregnant or receiving a foster child affect the international adoption process? Not typically. You would need to tell us as your plans change and of course plan accordingly regarding travel, childcare, etc. . i.e. if a foster child is to be placed in your care the day/week before you are due to travel you need to have proper arrangements made and possibly 'permission' from your Foster Care Social Worker to leave the child elsewhere.
3. Is it possible to pay month by month to keep the paperwork process going rather than lump sums at certain times? It's set up for bulk payments only at this time.
4. Are there any families that have completed an adoption through Ghana yet? If so, can I have their contact information? You may contact [said person] who has had [child] home for one year now. He was around 16 months at placement.
   I emailed this person yesterday and hope that it doesn't go to her junk email...
5. Do families travel together or individually for adoptions? Does an AAC staff travel us, meet us at the airport, etc? Typically, families will travel alone and be met by our Ghana representative. It's possible if 2 families were in the process at the same time and ready to file paperwork at the same time-- they could travel together, but I think it's safe to say most will be a solo trip.
6. Who are the board of directors for AAC? You can contact [the director] to get all the names and information on the Board of Directors.
   I emailed the Director for this information today.
7. What is the support once in Ghana? Who is the staff person? Do they help you out with adoption stuff as well as meals, travel, etc? Yes, you are well taken care of by [said Pastor] -with all details of the adoption as well as your stay in country. Often times his wife, plays a role in helping as well.
8. What support is there for visa, consulate help. Ie: Follow up reminders on due dates, etc. It's best for you to take on this responsibility as well as providing all the proper dates to AAC so we can help in this area as well. We keep all these dates on file. We can help with Visa, etc. as well.
   So, I'm confused. I'll know all the dates and should provide that information to AAC? Isn't this why you pay them to be your agency? Can some one who knows more help me out here?
9. Is there guidance for hotels to stay in, help planning travel, etc? I've never been to Ghana and don't know much about the place really. Yes, we take care of booking all this for your stay-with the assistance of [said Pastor]. See attachment for some of the details on the process-also a section for travel details/ =)
10. Does re-adoption mean that you retain an attorney? Yes, some counties you can represent yourself in Court-but you will need to find that out based on your county. You are not required to re adopt in Iowa. (it is recommended but not a requirement anymore). If you choose to do so, it is typically completed through the Courts via attorney assistance.
11. Are there foster-care services fees in Ghana? I don't know how 'official' the foster care is--- I will be finding out these details next week while I am in Ghana and meeting with the Dir of Social Welfare. I know [said Pastor] often takes on the foster family role-but it's certainly not like the system we have here.
    Sounds like I'll want to hear more about this stuff after she returns from her trip.
12. Is this considered a private adoption? I'm not even sure what that means internationally. From here on out all our adoptions will be governed by the Social Welfare Department in Ghana. Not 'private'.
13. Since AAC is small, do they have connections with other adoption groups for post adoption meetings? I actually hosted (up until recently) a monthly adoption support group at my church. [Another church] also tried this and there was little to no interest/attendance with their group. Over the course of a year my group started with maybe 15 and had 1-2 families towards the end of the year. Families are interested but reported not having the time to commit due to other activities: sports/music lessons/work--you get the idea. We eventually joined the two groups thinking (hoping) for one massive group--still not much--a family here or there. I am working on reestablishing something here and hope to have quarterly meetings/events in the near future. You, however, live further away so we would want to work w/you to find a group to best meet your needs. Try IFAPA--they have groups all over Iowa: http://www.ifapa.org/ AAC has an online yahoo group for our families, that in many ways serves a role in post adoption support. We do have many connections to help our families.
14. What about pre-adoption meetings and educational information where experienced adoptive parents talk about their experiences? Our required education is all Hague Accredited and on line. Because we serve families all over the US and abroad--we do not have educational seminars, etc. at this time. We help families locate that information in their State with the help of their SW/HS agency. However, I host meetings occasionally and pass along all education/adoption related info to those on my mailing list for the support group,etc. The adoption support group was for families to learn from one another and share experiences--we can help you find a local active group in your area. Also, we are members of IAAA (Iowa Association of Adoption Agencies) as well as IFAPA. You will see by the attached flyer the group comes together to make educational opportunities available to our community.

Service Agreement Questions and Answers

1. Please understand that I'm not being critical but I think its important that professional documents, including contracts, don't have grammatical and spelling errors. I used to write grants and am used to noticing that kind of thing and saw multiples within the document. Just an FYI. (You'll find that I'm not being critical of day to day correspondence, especially when you notice that I don't spell check things :) Please note that English is not [the director's] native language, although I know it's not an excuse, it may be the reason for some grammatical errors that you have seen. Please feel free to point those out to us so we can make the changes =)
   Yeah, well I think that's a lame excuse. Pay someone a couple of bucks to read through it for errors. Guess I'll have to do that for them at some point to help them out...
2. Top of page 2 and again on page 4 under Home Study: AAC will provide homestudy for Iowa families. If we have someone besides AAC provide the home study, do we need an addendum? Addendum not necessary
3. I don't understand question #4 on page 3. I think its basically saying not to bribe. Am I correct? Does it also say that you can't provide gifts to the prospective adoptive child? Correct, this is for your own protection. It's not to say that after you have met your child in country and started the process you can't offer him/her a small gift, but you never pay a prospective adoptive child or parent or official for that matter, anything for a placement. You may pay an appreciation to those working in your behalf or offer the Dept of Social Welfare a donation to help care for a family or a child left behind--but nothing more than a typical orphanage donation you would see in other countries. I believe this section also states that all communications go through the agency first rather than a family making contacts to officials, overseas reps, or persons congress, etc.
4. Bottom of page 3: can you explain to me the difference between Exempt Provider and Supervised Provider? Really, I'm just trying to figure out where Kathy would fit in to this if she does get involved. Supervised Provider: an agency that provides all the child placing services, speaks one on one w/the family and deals w/daily adoption related concerns and communications-in these cases AAC would supervise the child placing agency because we have the proper accreditations and the placing agency does not. Kathy would be an exempt provider in this case since we are the supervising agency.
5. Page 4 Supervised Providers: If Kathy isn't licensed in Iowa but is capable of the study, can she be considered a supervised provider? Kathy, if qualified as a Social Worker or Adoption Investigator for the State of Iowa, would only be your homestudy social worker. She would not work directly with AAC. You would pay her for her services.
6. Page 5, #7: do post placement reports have a deposit separate from the report fee? Yes, the deposit is a fee you get back upon completion of each required report.
7. Page 7, Additional fees: do Ghanaian children get placed in "private foster care for the duration of the adoption"? They can, yes. In our experience, [said Pastor] and his wife care for the child or in the case of another family adopting the child is still w/birth mother. These are also some items I hope to understand and learn during my meetings w/the Social Welfare Dept. There are some major changes going on regarding their social welfare system so we there is a lot to learn in the midst of this transitional time in Ghana.
   This sounds like another one I need to follow up on after she comes back.
8. Page 7, Additional fees: what is the percentage of families that sign the Additional Fees Consent Waiver? This form is a requirement of the Hague. We have not had anyone use this to date.
   Huh, if it's a requirement, doesn't it have to get used???
9. page 9, #10: disputes governed by California law and dealt with in San Mateo county... does this make sense if you and I are both in Iowa? Does this change to Iowa for work you're doing? Again, never been an issue, however since the agency director of AAC is in CA this is where a dispute would be dealt with. We have families all over the US and abroad and CA is where AAC began and all the Administrative details are through that office for all families regardless of location in the US.
10. page 12 international fees #5: I think I understand what the intent here but it's actually saying in either case "without" a qualifying reason. I think grammatically it should say “with” instead of “without”? Please check and if you agree, we’ll change it and thank Tamara for catching that.
    I think I agree with you and I'll make sure to email about it.
11. page 13 Deposits: When is the $500 embassy consulate child registration deposit due? Before you travel
12. page 13 Deposits: Post adoption report deposit refund. It refunds if the report is turned in how farm in advance? When is the deposit refunded? Refund at the time the post placement report has been submitted to AAC
13. Is the post placement fee ($220/ea) in addition to the $400 deposit? Yes, the $220 per Post Placement Report is only if it's prepared and submitted by AAC staff.
    I think I mis-typed it and its a $200 fee, I'll have to double check that.
14. page 26 breech litigation: does this happen in CA? Technically, yes. But since you live in Iowa, then neither schedules apply to you.
15. page 19: what is HIM testing/diagnosis? Typo – HIV. Nobody caught that before
16. page 20: As I understand it the disciplinary agreement follows forever. It says "never" all through it where most agencies seem to be concerned until the adoption is finalized. Please know that we don't plan and mistreating any child but I also don't want someone breathing down my neck telling me how to train and discipline my children for the rest of their childhood. What is the intent here? [Director said:] The intent is to limit our liability. We believe that none of our families plan to mistreat their children, just like no family plans to bail out on post-placement reports, and yet so many parents forget about their obligations once adoption is finalized.
    I'm still not comfortable with the answer here. We'll be re-visiting this one!
17. I can't find the page # now, but it talks about any legal action will be paid for by the adoptive family. When talking to a lawyer about this contract, she suggested that it be changed so that the agency would pay for their lawyer and we'd pay for ours. How can we come to an agreement on that? We actually plan to keep this as is. Our intension is for a lawsuit to never happen. If we ever did have a lawsuit, it is my understanding our insurances would skyrocket-whether we win or loose. This is additional agency security for ALL clients.
    I'm not sure what to think of this answer... Betty, if you're reading, will you let me know you're thoughts. The same would apply for others experienced in adoption.

Foster Adoption

Although I'm confident that God has asked us to pursue international adoption, I can't help but to think often times about foster-adopting. Those kids need loved too. Maybe we'll do both and Scott just might get the two brothers and two sisters he's been requesting.

Lots of Questions

I recently sent a list of about 30 questions to our agency. Some were answered well within reason and a few were pretty vague. I think I need to call the agency directly to converse more about those questions in question. In the mean time, we're still saving money towards our adoption fund.